What If World War One Was A Pub Brawl?

I am not caught up in the centenary commemorations marking the outbreak of the First World War.  This is not out of disrespect. Indeed my own grandfather was mortally wounded at Gallipoli and served with four of his brothers. He was given a full military funeral, with gun carriage and a three volley salute. I would prefer to celebrate the armistice and the end of the Great War, lest we forget.

At 10pm tonight the nation is being encourage to switch off the lights, a callback to the comments of the then Foreign Secretary, Sir Edward Grey, who declared, “The lamps are going out all over Europe, we shall not see them lit again in our life-time.” At exactly the same time I’ll be on stage at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Well my own commemorative tribute will be a diversion from my usual show as I address the issues of the day.


At a time of increasing global tension, we could do worse than familiarise ourselves with those events which led to butchery and bravery on both sides. What if World War One was a pub brawl:

“Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a whole new suit because of the new beer stains on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in doing so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that its sufficiently out of order that Britain not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action anymore.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

The End…. (or is it?)”

With thanks to, Nico Crisafulli

Source http://www.tentimesone.com/if-world-war-one-was-a-bar-fight/

All rights reserved © 2014 Andrew Hutchinson

Getting into SHAPE for a Dr Strangelove moment

This year’s ‘Operation Spring Storm’ brings together a record number of allied troops – infantry from the Duke of Lancaster’s Regiment, soldiers from Latvia, soldiers from the 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team of the US army and soldiers from Lithuania.

077The cheese eating, garlic smelling surrender monkeys contribution to Spring Break, sorry Operation Spring Storm, boosting the 6,000 seasoned revellers numbers will be a cyber-security team from France. No doubt we’ll all sleep sounder in that knowledge.

Of course the exercises are all about teambuilding, assessing infantry battalions’ skills, rehearsing cooperation and management methods. The only difference between these away days and the workshops I run is that my icebreakers tend not to include live fire rounds.

Before the alarm bells start ringing there are those who will reassure us that these operations have been a regular feature of the last ten years. This year’s Colonel Blimp jaunt will take NATO forces right up to the border with Putin’s Soviet Union [sic]. They are scheduled to finish on the 23rd May. God only knows if that will be the case or if a foot on the ground will turn into a jackboots yomping. Of course the exercise will consist of last minute electioneering for the Ukrainian presidential elections taking place on the 25th May.


The silence of our mainstream media in reporting on the fact that the three amigos, the UK, US and France has been deploying troops to the Baltic region for the last week has been deafening.  Those 150 members of the US airborne division who arrived in a military transport aircraft at Amari airbase are planning on hanging around until Christmas. There are lies, dammed lies and no smoke without fire. There’s probably funding for a PhD thesis in correlating an increase in false flag events during this period and the presence of the rebranded management consultancy sounding Academi formerly known as Xe Services nee  Blackwater. The two mistresses, the UK and France have deployed eight fighter jets to Lithuania and Poland to strengthen NATO air defence over the Baltic regions. While plucky little Poland has sent three of its Sukhoi Su-22 attack aircraft and a division of missile defence system unit SA-8, tasked with protecting an air base near Tallinn and the surrounding airspace.


The senior service, that’s the navy not the fags (we could have fun with here but the trouble with the French is that they have no words for double entendre) have chugged round to the Lithuanian port of Klaipeda to “ensure regional security.” Before alarm bells start ringing Britain hasn’t sent its aircraft carrier without planes, no the group is composed of assorted fag hags from Norway, the Netherlands, Belgium and Estonia. Reminiscent of those to be found hanging around Manchester’s gay village on a Friday night taking part in intensive military drills, stopping off at various ports participating in operation “Open Sprit” deactivating underwater explosives. Surely no seamen will be wasted in the making of this production.

And as we watch this silent movie play out on the big screen, the soundtrack being played in the background is ‘Lest We Forget’ it is a centenary since Europe last indulged in a major ‘show me yours and I’ll show you mine’ dick measuring contest.

All rights reserved © 2014 Andrew Hutchinson


Gold and PSYOPS

Those looking for an informative and refreshingly honest take on the recent assault on the price of gold could do a lot worse than check out this article by Hugo Salinas Price, entitled 4-12 PSYOPS.

He believes that the purpose of the 4-12 Psyops was to instill fear in the minds of the “target audience” – investors in gold. If you shoot a crow, and hang it up in your field, the crows – your “target audience” – will avoid the field. The same principle applies to investors in gold.  Of course the identity of the target audience of the Psyops War on Gold is clearly revealed in the front-page article of the “Financial Times”, American edition, on Tuesday April 16, 2013.  Under the main headline, “Investors in rush to dump gold” is a graph of the performance of the gold price from January 3, 2011 to date, showing essentially no gain at all.  Notice the wording: Investorsrush -  dump gold”.  Of course this is nothing new, lest we forget,

“Through the use of terror, man can be reduced to a childlike and submissive state, in which his powers of reason are clouded, and in which his emotional response to various situations and stimuli can become predictable” L. Wolfe, “Brainwashing: How The British Use The Media for Mass Psychological Warfare”. The American Almanac, May 5, 1997

To paraphrase Churchill, most men stumble over the truth from time to time but most manage to pick themselves up, dust themselves down and manage to carry on as if nothing happened. It is amazing (or not) that most of us have managed to stumble upon the truth when our entire educational system is against us. To quote one wiser than me:

“The whole educational and professional training system is a very elaborate filter, which just weeds out people who are too independent, and who think for themselves, and who don’t know how to be submissive, and so on –because they’re dysfunctional to the institutions.” Noam Chomsky

All rights reserved © 2013 Andrew Hutchinson

First We Take Manhattan, Then We Take Berlin

jhq germanyNo I’m sorry it’s not Leonard Cohen this time but it did seem a very apt title for the name of this post.   Entitled simply as ‘Money – Its Role in Post Conflict Reconstruction’ I’m scheduled to make a presentation to senior British and German army officers in Germany. The proposed presentation will have a number of inter-related segments:


The Challenge

  • First hand accounts of the economic conditions in post-war Germany
  • The black market
  • Light fingers
  • The need for currency reform

Understanding Money

  • A brief history of money, its role and purpose
  • The relationship between money and conflict

Money from a German Perspective

  • Reichsmark to Rentenmark
  • Hyperinflation
  • Economic stability

The Wider Post-war Economic Context

  • Bretton Woods
  • Marshall Plan
  • Truman Doctrine
  • Creation of the World Bank and IMF

Economic Stabilty in Germany

  • Business as usual
  • Currency reform

Legacy – Economic Miracle

  • The fact and the fiction
  • Reparations
  • Debt jubilee and the Greek Question

Footprints - Current Challenges

  • The post-war model
  • Globalisation
  • The axis of evil
  • Financial crisis

The presentation will be creative, challenging, factual and educational, providing an historical context for the decisions made between 1945-49, exploring their legacy and their footprints in the challenges faced today. The use of humour will hopefully enable me to plead ‘artistic licence’ and avoid a rendition flight to GTMO as some controversial topics will be explored. With canapés at the British Embassy in Berlin to follow I’m quite looking forward to Operation Ferrero Roche.

All rights reserved © 2013 Andrew Hutchinson